i regret divorcing my husband for another man

I am just starting to feel better. We have our own hobbies and interests outside of ourselves and family. You already regret your decision to divorce. Marriage takes a lot of work and youll get out of it what you put in. I have been broken up with multiple times before and never in my life did I think of begging someone so stay with me, life is just as good alone. But given how her partner has responded to your direct questions in the past (Im curious about just how you phrased those questions), I dont think theres anything to be gained from asking said partner if she thinks shes depressed or by telling her she must have a mental health issue. Chatting led to flirting which led to a tryst in a city between us. an affair and my husband is divorcing me Your email address will not be published. Im married to a nice guy, we have tried to work on things that were making me unhappy but at the end of the day I just dont want to be married anymore and I feel so guilty for that. Your best self is found in dying to self (Gal. Looking back, it was the best thing I could have ever done and we are all happier now than we were.. Find an apartment and move out ASAPhe asked for my forgiveness, which I extended and we gave it another shot. She doesnt cheat on me. In short: I wanted the divorce so why do I feel so sad? Daniel Mallory Ortberg and Nicole Cliffe discuss this letter in this weeksDear Prudence Uncensoredonly for Slate Plus members. Be in one home, be practical, get over this trite, adolescent notion of forever soulful romantic love, have no expectations your husband will fulfill you and just be realistic already FOR THE KIDS SAKE? Once we acknowledge these feelings, we can address them whether through individual counseling, group support, or identifying mentors, religious/spiritual leaders, or friends.. A good solid year is a generous measure of time to grieve. Im not sure what to think. I remember one day thinking that if I could just consider her my roommate or friend instead of my wife I could just suffer through it (for the sake of our kid, etc). We are capable of so much more, and there is a real, profound love between us. Im not sure if that is down to learning from the previous relationship or just generally growing up a bit. Lines were too blurred. He admitted that he never wanted to get divorced; when he was in court, he actually had the urge to speak up and tell the judge that he couldn't go through with it. If you are leaving a good guy/girl that is your loss and if you come to regret it thats on you. I have communicated that I want to be a trusted adult she can have fun with and am his backup support when he needs me. Dont offer unsolicited advice to your daughter, who will likely chafe at it, but ask her as nonjudgmentally as possible about her goals, financial plan, and whether or not she thinks her partner needs support. He wants to call me her name and for me to wear a very particular kind of clothing she wears. But Im happier than Ive been in years, all in all. But are you not dating because of guilt? We both do but I think Ive gotten past it quicker. At that point, I truly just wanted what was best for him and whatever would make him the happiest. For lessons learned, it takes two people to make a marriage. While drowning in the misery of my marriage, I came across a frightening statistic: 50% of people who divorced regretted their decision, and wished they had worked harder at saving their marriages. I get that you feel bad, but our society has established it as womens jobs to keep our men happy, fed, laid and our marriages intact. I see moms holding on to properties they cant afford in the name of: My advice in 95% of these situations: Take that money and run! Divorce regrets and doubt can set in at any time after a divorce, and the timing varies from person to person and the circumstances of the divorce. We stopped being husband/wife/lovers and started being roommates. WebIf you believe that His best for you or your best self is on the other side of divorcing your husband, then you believe a lie. When a marriage is failing, it isn't surprising when one (or both) partners begin to stray and wind up meeting someone else. My mother blamed me for all of it, and I havent spoken to her since. I regret not being brave enough to ask for the end of my marriage in a way that honored the integrity that I have. Is it normal to regret getting a divorce? Herbfarm co-founder Ron Zimmerman, a pioneer in farm-to-table movement, dies at 75. I thought I had a kid with her but I actually dont and it has been proven that he is not mine through DNA testing. I said I wasnt ready for my life to be tied down more and split. She has one identity: A victim of divorce. He's a good guy! These are men who jibe with my own growing social circle of equally driven and creative people people who my husband never really connected with or felt comfortable around (even though, in all his decency and devotion to me, was always kind to and made an effort for). The best outcome for all involved is for the two of them to move out sooner rather than later so that you can get more distance from your daughters potential mistakeswhich, at this point, sound like pretty standard mid-20s issues. Hes an amazing person and I feel lucky to have him, but I deeply regret what I did to my ex. I thought I was reading about my life! That is a lot of responsibility for one person to take on. I was then doing it for myself, not for the other woman. It takes commitment. I have a new boyfriend, but he is nothing like my husband. Husband Regrets Divorce Neither of us was very willing to leave where we were, so there was no goal at the end to shoot for.. While he doesnt have a drinking problem, he is a bad drinker, and all of his trauma comes out in a way that is upsetting to me. It makes me wonder whether Sammy ever told Anna any of these things, or merely vented about her to other people who could not possibly have helped the situation. We became best friends and talked daily while husband my was at work, so it was behind his back. I am glad I am not married to my ex, even if he is a good guy. Over time, Im only remembering the good things, not the bad. Just another example of a self serving person, with an horrific sense of entitlement and no sense of personal accountability. I just didnt love him any more and wanted out. A solo mom? We separated because I met someone that made me feel like a queen, and he found out. They dont want that shit! He is very stressed and overwhelmed, but we both work full-time and I do my best to help around the house. Would my wife have given up our son for adoption? He is the junior chiropractor in his office, not from this country, working for a senior chiropractor. So what you are saying is you ruined multiple peoples lives and your own financial situation because you didnt feel the tingles in your panse, You are a selfish and horrible person. We race cars together and would only hang out at races, but not socially, partially because our significant others at the time didnt like that we even did that together. Maybe it means Im selfish. Almost nine years later, I find out she is divorcing him (we still talked on and off) and was pregnant with his child. Im a happier person and am no longer plagued by anxiety attacks. During that time I met another girl. 2. Yes, kissing someone else went against the terms of your marriage, but your marriage is unbearable. My son is 18 & has ADD/ADHD/ODD/NOS mood disorder, PANS/PANDAS TICS and a disabled hand along with numerous cognitive downfalls, and needs me to make financial decisions and help him with things as simple as writing and reading still. Everyone my age already has their established circle of friends and its hard to break into that. Perfect or am leaving him to look for someone who fulfills all my needs. Is she lonely, depressed, full of hatred and resentment? Required fields are marked *. My husband and I have resolved to be more open about our sexual desires, which has really revitalized our relationship. He is a great dad, loves me a lot, has a good career. Basic fact is women get less attractive as they age, while they can still get sex pretty easy no one is gonna want an old cow when milk is cheep and plentiful . Over the next two years, I learned that long distance relationships dont work and the one that got away got away for a reason. Lynalice was scheduled to work non-stop for nearly a week, and she gave her husband a simple task that he failed to complete. Divorce will not solve a single problem. My dad said every time he bought me something, my stepdad did too. If shes be the first one to cheer for whats written in this article, then it sounds like leaving was a good decision for her. Thats grim. Before I had time to sort out my true feelings, Jordan was pushing me to leave Jason for good. Too nice? Not being a natural quitter, I wondered if I would end up in that 50% regret percentile. I have access to other therapists, but I really dont want to start over. Try changing to a new career when you sunk 20 years into training for something else. Im honestly very happy that my parents are no longer together. Husband wants divorce I stayed up all night puking my head off. I have been so much happier and such a better mom since not having to literally force myself to have sex with someone I didnt have feelings for, its the most degrading act for the soul. She already had one kid, I was almost done with college, and I still had my best friend hanging around that I had always wanted to be with. I dont agree she was as selfish as Sammy makes her out to be, but I can see that Sammy was deeply hurt her actions, and I hate the idea that I would do the same thing to the people in my life. Read our review of OurFamilyWizard, one of the first co-parenting apps. Again: Decide that tomorrow you will wake up, the guilt will be less than the day before, and that it may take a long time for it to be 100% gone. Dealing with divorce guilt? Why you feel it and how to cope Wives are instructed to be the glue in a marriage a straying husband, or unhappy husband, or frayed marriage is pegged on her letting herself go / not being attentive enough / being a bitch and nag / not good enough. And how theyre young little minds will have to deal with something that they dont really understand. Perhaps a period of separation may provide space to explore this. I dont like it when you make jokes about my body, and I dont want you to do it again. I left my ex-wife to be with my current wife of almost ten years. Eventually, my wife moved in and I had to cut ties with my friend. Well, things didnt work out and my wife ended up starting a relationship with one of my co-workers and I kept things going with my friend. I only regret how it all went down and it makes me sad sometimes. I bet all you guys making these comments think of yourselves as good guys. Finally, over a year after the separation (about eight months after our divorce) when it got so bad that I couldnt stop thinking about wanting to die and possibly committing suicide, I finally sought treatment. You will not be happy. Its been almost six years and no regrets. Our wedding and honeymoon were great, and I knew I loved him. He was a good guy, her life was fine, but she wanted more. One night I left for good and told Jason to go ahead and file for divorce. Her real dad is brilliant, so we would never enforce that. One day, I received a message from my ex-fiance saying that if I didnt get back with her she was going give my son up for adoption. Soon after, I ended my relationship with Jordan and vowed to reform my dangerous habits. Its better for their relationship to have me be the one in charge of all time spent and costs of her living standard. I made a huge mistake in kissing someone else, and I feel disgusted that I could hurt him like this. To understand whether your husband regrets divorce, you need to analyze the changes in his behavior. Please, just keep your piehole closed about how selfish, narcissistic, and horrible people are for choosing to prioritize their own wellbeing over continuing to pour energy and resources into a relationship that is not working, with a partner who is not willing to do their share to try to fix it. This seemed like a solid plan, and we support her in this decision. Find success stories about other thriving single moms. Theres an opportunity cost to marriage, as for many things in life. It represents a failed marriage, and likely heartache for them. Two young kids, no family support anywhere nearby, two very busy demanding jobs with long hours. You say that hes a wonderful person, but no evidence for that made it into your letter. At 16, I gave up a baby girl. Send questions for publication [email protected]. I see women get stuck on the divorce that they very much wanted and see the value in. Wealthysinglemommy.com founder Emma Johnson is an award-winning business journalist, activist, author and expert. Weve been together for almost 2 1/2 years at this point and have been talking marriage. But I never said anything. The idea that at any point in time, the woman you chose to marry could suddenly have a midlife crisis and decide to leave because she is bored. Ask your self that. Our values are so different and there is so much resentment. I should reiterate that my husband (soon to be ex) is a really good person; he has loads of positive qualities and is a fantastic father too. I want to cook for her, take her shopping, and watch movies. In hindsight though, we got along really well and hes a great person. And this obsession with finding oneself prevailing in the modern female narrative is so disingenuous. What a sad tale. Its one thing to ask questions of your daughter about her plans to support herself and her partner after moving out of your house; thats a reasonable sort of conversation to have with her. I didnt need him financially, actually my financial situation will improve without having to help him out. Going through a divorce now? He also rants about that on a semi frequent basis. I wouldnt send a serial killer into their arms, let alone a child. She rarely leaves their shared bedroom, although my daughter tells us she is applying for jobs online. Someone called EMS, and they gave me something to make me vomit. Ultimately, when things would heat up again, he was threatening to leave, one time even storming downstairs in a fit of rage to tell our children (my two and his one). You likely will not, but just get on with it. I cried myself to sleep that night. Feminism has ruined the family structure. Now he can be with the right person and she can be with the right person. A couple of months ago, her partner joined her. Even if things work out, there are better ways to end the marriage.. Eventually Jason did pick up the phone, and I pleaded and begged for him to give me another chance. Even the dog loses since she stayed with me and misses her dad! Bravo. In my mind, marriage meant flowers, love notes, and other romantic gestures on a regular basis. Do you worry that if you leave, he will hurt himself, or otherwise be miserable? Pay attention to how you identify yourself. So I came clean and told my husband that I was unhappy because of these feelings that I couldnt overcome and I felt like staying in the marriage would be denying him the opportunity to find someone who is 100% devoted to him. Maybe you simply are not ready to date yet, and that is ok. No cheating, none of that. After Divorce: How the Unfaithful Sees

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